By Elena Solomon, Soulmades.com.au
Online dating is fascinating.
You can meet thousands of available singles that are literally just a click away, seeking love, romance, dating, marriage, friendship – and yes, of course sex. Men and women alike join dating services hoping to make new friends and start new relationships.
But there are some common mistakes ALL people make when using Internet personals – including YOU! Yet you can easily avoid them.
Here are the top ten mistakes all people make when dating online.
Check out if you are guilty of some of them.
‘Giving it a try’
Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone – they only HOPE to meet someone. What’s the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to your online dating adventure to get the results you want.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t ‘give it a try’ – do your best.
Hoping “the right person will find you
Most people don’t pay when posting their profiles on online dating sites, which usually means they can receive letters but cannot answer ads of other members. They hope people will be writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would email you out of blue. You will get much better results if you pay for premium membership to the dating site and write to people yourself.
BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you.
It’s amazing how many people using online personals send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”. If your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, it is most likely that they will just delete your email. Some *might* actually read your profile – and if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant, then they will also just delete your email.
BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.
Sending form letters
I always know when I receive a form letter – always!
I am sure you know it too. If there are no personal references in the letter, I know this letter was not written specially for me. No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special!
BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each person you contact.
Writing boring letters
Many people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say and not what the other person wants to hear.
The result: letters that are plain BORING. Remember: it’s not about YOU – it’s about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids – if she did not have any kids, she would say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her that you think she does and that you just love kiddies. A person who actually THINKS and what is more – thinks ABOUT HER, is indeed someone special, and your letter is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile) – tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having a great sense of humor? Back up your claim – make her laugh! From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading till the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled to check your profile on the Internet personals website.
BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type of letters you’d like to receive.
Contacting dozens of members at once
Once people pay for their premium membership to the online dating site, they tend to contact dozens of members at once. The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response. STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is only one person – but the one who is RIGHT for you. Do you really want to correspond with 50 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a precious few that you like most and write to them. Make sure you get responses from your favorites before contacting other people.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.
Not following up
Let’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an instant. We send an email, never get a response and lose the contact forever. This is extremely important when using Internet personals: if you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer and you want to hear from them even if they are NOT interested. Having somebody who is really interested in you is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you. Check if they are premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond. Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested.
BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems averting your contact.
Not having a photo in your profile
If you don’t have a picture in your profile, you are missing out on people’s attention a great deal. Many great singles, men and women alike, NEVER answer mails from members without photos – leave alone writing to them. If you are concerned about privacy, take a photo where you are in the distance and hardly recognizable, or put on sunglasses. Smiling broadly also changes your face.
BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.
Bad body language on the photos
When people look at your photos, they try to figure out what kind of person you are. If you cross your arms and legs, or in any other way “cover” your body on the photos, placing a barrier between you and the viewer, you make them think you are timid, insecure and lack confidence. Use open body language – open palms, arms on the sides of your body – never “covering” it, smile and “look” the viewers in the eyes.
BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language – people make their opinion about your personality by looking at your photos.
You’ve tried this and that and nothing worked, so you give up: “Internet dating just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and learn WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile. Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. Try to contact someone you feel nothing about and see how it goes. Maybe you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat the search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!
BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!